He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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