i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
