remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
