she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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