we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
