No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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