woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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