Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
