maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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