Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
