I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
