do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
