There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
