I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
