I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
