your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
