Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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