Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
