you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
