I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
