Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
