I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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