you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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