Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
