he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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