everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
