Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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