FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
