Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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