dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
