why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
