I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
