Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
