You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
