after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
