Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
