I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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