Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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