dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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