She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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