if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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