Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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