Non-Jews are for practice
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
