Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you would pick up someone in the library
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
