Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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