Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
