What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
