i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
