You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
