Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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