Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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