Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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