i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize