I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
