Are we in a gay sports bar?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize