I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
