i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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