take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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