He had one of those small greek statue penises
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
