My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
