WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
