thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
