hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
