I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize