your thong is hanging out like whoa
So drunk its hurt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
