I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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