dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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