I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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