Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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