he wants to bone in the snuggie
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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