kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
