i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize