Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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