Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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