He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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