You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
