My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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