I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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