Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
